Archive for November, 2010

The Flight

Posted: 19/11/2010 in Random
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So finally we arrived in south africa, the flight was exactly what I expected, painful. It started when I had already checked in, knowing that I gonna have to go with out a smoke for 8 or so hours, I was scanning with my eagle vision for a smoking room at the dubai airport.

After half an hour of continuous scanning I found one. Eureka! But the joy in my heart slowly dissipated as I read the sign,”Closed for maintainance”. So with a weary heart I continued on, my feet were heavy but we time passing and I needed that last quick fix. Again I found one but it looked like everyone that smokes had the god damn same idea.

A smoking room at Dubai airport is roughly a 6×4 room with little or no ventilation and 30 people inside. If you want to smoke you don’t even have to light one up, you kind of just take a couple of deep breaths and continue until your eyes are watering and when leaving you feel your way out, bumping and groping others in the same predicament.

With nicotine at optimum levels I proceeded to board the plane, now to hear other south africans talking was like rain in dubai. Awesome! Luckily for me no the seat next to me was empty so I could enjoy a little extra space but that helped fuck all. Those seats are just small, crap and uncomfortable. To ease my suffering I decided to have a couple of beers, big mistake. Yes the beers did help me to sleep but when you have a beer and no cigarette it just doesn’t feel right. Anyway after my little snooze I woke up to find that the desert was in my mouth. So dry! Asking the hostess for some water she gave me a death stare of note and said,

“Sorry, we don’t have bottles of water but you can have five of these water tub containers.”

Needless to say the water tub containers consists of one sip. Why like this? Cursing my need to have beers on the plane, I promised myself never again will I drink on a plane. Damn crap Heineken.

The rest of the flight passed without incident save one, the extraordinary great feeling of seeing my country from the sky, knowing that I would be landing soon. I was home!


The Snake!

Posted: 15/11/2010 in Random
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While at work the other day I had a fairly strange and embarrassing moment, this is how it went…

I was sitting enjoying one of the rare moments of “quiet time”, when I received a call.

“Hello, Adam speaking”, I answered in my firm, business manner.

“Hello Adam! There’s .. there’s… there’s… there’s a snake right next to me. What should I do?”, a female colleague shouted.

I processed to tell her in a mild, bored tone to remain calm as chances are she was just over reacting. Come on, I’ve heard of no snakes in Dubai besides the occasional sea snake. I found out where she was and strolled at a leisurely pace to her location, muttering under my breath, ” Stupid girls always over reacting, damn it, damn it.”

Finally I got to her a little breathless because I had muttered so much.  I asked where it was and there it was as real as can be. I’m no snake charmer but it made sense to me that if we leave it alone it would do like wise, however I work in a hotel resort and the last thing I need is a guest getting bitten by a snake. 

Gingerly I closed the distance between the myself and the snake trying to make no sudden movements, a quick darting object moved around my side vision. My colleague was bolting full tilt away from the scene, hands in the air screaming in afrikaans, ” n slang, fok, n slang”

Thank god not many people understand Afrikaans so the guests had no idea what was going on. Steeling myself for the manly task of eradicating the snake I took a steady look at my opponent. About 1 meter in length, basking in the afternoon sun,  facing away from me so I couldn’t see it’s eyes.

Looking for an ideal weapon like a spade, nothing so I grabbed the next best thing. A hulahoop. Feeling like a complete fool trying to sort out this snake with my make shift weapon I inched closer, slow and steady. I thought to myself. My plan was working, so far the demon snake had not hissed or make any aggressive signs. Nearly there, ok time to see whats going to happen. I prodded it feebly to get it’s attention and possibly to show it who’s the boss. No reaction. What?

I prodded it a good couple of times and still no reaction, strange I thought to myself. Still fearful for my life, I touched it’s tail with my strong masculine hands (yeah right), it was warm to the touch but still not moving.

Then it dawned on me, this was a toy/ fake snake but some devil person had really taking a liking to making this toy so life like and real that I really thought I was holding a live snake. 

Feeling like a  fool and rightly so, I proceeded to chase that colleague of mine with the snake for the inconvenience that she caused. Bet she won’t be calling me again anytime soon when she has a situation. Problem solved!


Posted: 12/11/2010 in Random
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Yeah, you are properly thinking what a dumb title but wait…. when you live in Dubai and it rains, it’s time to celebrate. For those of you who don’t know Dubai in the middle east, where the rain doesn’t fall….often. I would say at most, it will rain -+ 14 times a year. Yes it is sad, but this is where I call home at the moment so if it rains I’m like, ” O my god, rain sweet beautiful rain”.

Today it rained!

Trying my best not to run out in the middle of the main road in nothing but skimpy(but manly ) boxers screaming ” Rain, water, rain, water”, over and over while making pathetic childlike gestures to the rain gods. Believe me, this is extremely difficult to do when you have bore witness to constant +40 degree weather for the majority of the year.

 So back to me, prancing around giggling and gurgling like the man I am. Thank God, the people driving past me weren’t even noticing me because there are 20+ adults doing the exact same thing as me. Sweet! I’m not the only last cause.

But… yes a big butt (Hahaha), it only lasted roughly 5 to 10 minutes. The dream shattered, I felt it falling through my trembling fingers. What a cocktease! I went back into my apartment with a sense of shame, embarrassment and disappointment.  It was over. I just hope no-one took any  photos because they  would prove  hard to explain, the grown  30-year old in his underwear running around like a crazy eyed lunatic.

I’m going for a  month vacation back home and if by any chance it rains in Dubai while I’m gone there is gonna be hell to pay!! So please don’t let it rain in Dubai for the next month. Sorry to those of you staying behind!

During my time here in this wonderful planet called earth I have had my share of ups and downs, but coming to 30 years of existence I have come to realize that now more than ever that it’s just a sad vicious cycle and let me tell you the reason why. I’m gonna have to shorten this blog  just a tag as the longer it goes on the more of you as the reader will get tired of trying to focus on the so called meaning of life and all it’s associated bullshit.

Now before we continue,  yes that’s right you, my reader and myself let me make it clear to you that this is not a BITCHING SESSION,  but rather a glimpse into my perspective on whats really going on.  

Present: Now days when you are born you have the distinct disadvantage of starting your new life a good couple years already behind. Think about it, yes there are joys, meaning you properly will have the first seven or so years to enjoy but after that you are forced into establishments of which you have no concept. Learn to read, learn to right(ok, so maybe I didn’t go to those so called schools), learn maths and so on.  I’m all for that but what the fuck is with this, the beginning of the 12 year to 20 year education that you have to complete if you just wanna be a normal rat in the human rat race, I’m not even talking about those super steriod brained rats that tear the ring out of the system, they don’t have a choice. It’s forced upon them, socially, culturally and whatever -ly you can think of.

Example: In South Korean a teenager’s normal typical day at school; This starts from eight in the morning and in most cases finishes in the late afternoon or early evening, instead of going to play sport, climb a tree, surf, smoke pot or whatever teenagers do now days they go to after-school class until eleven. Now believe it or not, this class is optional, but because of the pressures to perform and get accepted  into semi ok tertiary education establishment they forced to go by parents or force themselves  to attend. Now if you happen to come from a well off family that’s the end of your day however if you don’t well then my friend you have to go to work at your part-time job. And so the cycle continues.

This concludes part one as my computer scan is now complete, until the next time, think about that. Stay tuned until my next scan…

Cute? you wanna die!?!

Posted: 10/11/2010 in Random
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If you get called CUTE  how is guy supposed to take it? As I am always told by my significant other “Here are you options”

1. You are cute – you are actually a sissy boy perhaps girl stuck in a mans body, you hobbies are playing hop scotch, writing dairies and dancing to Back street Boys

2. You are cute –  Actually you are downright fucking ugly but luckily I have spent enough time with you to realize that you have good personality so we can hang but that’s about it.

3. You are cute –  Actually you are fairly good looking, have a great personality but you just don’t have either the car, money, house or material possessions to keep me happy.

4. You are cute – Actually you have all the material things I need to get by in life but I ain’t no-ones bitch.

5. You are cute – Actually you are the man, you are everything I wanted but I don’t want you to know that I’m falling for you.

The list could go on… but I gotta go to the bar have a couple drinks and tell her that she is the cute one. Which one is it?