I want this!

Posted: 22/04/2011 in Stuff I Like
Tags: ,

One of my dreams to get something like this at my place. It’s graphic and helpful. If only there was one more door/sign, it would be for the doushebag.


Whenever I say to someone I’m going to do something it never happens! Call it Muphy’s law or karma whatever it is, I have decided to rectify this dilemma. I’m  going to pull a sneaky on it, surely if I say the opposite it will happen.

  • I will not get into shape
  • I will not win in poker
  • I will not beat Ona in cooking
  • I will stop smoking and drinking
  • I will not win any money/car/house/holiday/free mail-order bride, yeah that last one was a joke.

 

Things I will do

  • I will … come to think of it there isn’t much I don’t want to happen plus I don’t want to hope for too much.

If  this happens to work I’m going to make millions by writing an inspirational book on not what to do 🙂


 
 The competition is on! Due to never ending series of reality shows, we have been hypnotised into believing we can be the next masterchef. However that’s not to far from the mark since anything will taste good if you haven’t eaten for an extended amount of time.

 Friday is our test day,  we will rack our minds trying to prepare an ultimate dish that will impress  any unlucky person who is in our close proximity. There is a 50/50 chance that the unlucky guinea pig could succumb to food poisoning of the worst kind.

 

 
 I am meant to be making some kind of Entrée,

What the hell is that?

 
all I know is about meat. Yes, yummy, delicious meat.

Thats what Im talking about!

 

 Give me any kind of meat except fish and it’s going to be a gorgeous main meal. I’m really guttered that my Culinary Skills aren’t that good and I’m always coming 2nd. But wait, I have turned over a new leaf and decided that I will focus my amazing frontal lobe to out cook Ona in this skill of wits and nerves.

Plus one more positive!

I’m a guy!

Should you have any great recipes that could potentially get me to win, put them in the comments and if I ever become  a famous chef you will get an awesome present from yours truly.

Photos Later

Plant Killer

Posted: 18/03/2011 in Random
Tags: , , , ,

Ok, here’s the deal. In my previous post I mentioned “she” has upgraded my apartment from – 2 star to a respectable 3 star. Part of the improvements was some indoor plants. Four to be exact, namely; Bobby, Charles, Tina and Tool.

Tina and Tool look something like this.

I said look like..

I was happy to have some responsibilities, something to look after and care for. I was pretty excited, but nervous at the same time because my track record for keeping things alive isn’t very good. To put it simply, I could probably kill an inanimate object.

I had my instructions, water them once a week, not too much and not too little and give them sunlight. Pretty simple, right? Well not for me.

Wait, actually I followed those instruction but I must have done something wrong because Tina and Tool started looking sickly. They looked like they had got the Hiv. Plant style.

In a last-minute effort to save their lives “she” took them to a spa for plants, and by spa I mean a proper garden, which in Dubai isn’t the easiest thing to do.

Now I’m just looking after Bobby and Charles, hoping and praying that they don’t contract the deadly Hiv. Also I have started looking after the wall who I have named “Angelina”. I will give updates on Angelina in a couple of weeks. 

New project


I’m sure I have a split personality. There is “Adam” and then there is “Monkey”.
Generally, I’m a pretty care free person who doesn’t really mind what happens in my personal life, however

Adam is the raging, stern-faced and employee feared monster.

"Ha ha, You all gonna suffer!"

And Monkey, of course the light-hearted, joking naughty little kid.

"Let's have some fun"

The takeover begins… of course when “Monkey” is around. And I only say “Monkey” because that’s what I am called most of the time. Not that I look like a monkey but probably this a nick name in my relationship, designed to subconsciously to put me in my place, so to speak.

And yes, chances are I will get hit with a frying pan when “she” reads this. Already as I’m typing this post, I can feel the blinding pain, the “clang” of hard metal smashing into my soft yet beautiful scalp.

Back to story, I stay in a modest apartment and as Monkey I have  little  no urge to make it look grand or beautiful. I’m 100% happy with the way it is. Yes it looks bare, yes it’s barren, and yes it could look better however, considering that I work most of the time and rarely have friends over there is no actual need to improve it . “She” has taken it as a personal mission to improve my living quarters, and I must admit “she” is damn good at it.

before

Compared to the bland unsightly hovel my apartment has been transformed into a joyous happy home where there are soft under tones of moods and colours, a hint of ying and yang. So now when I come home from work, a tired and beaten “Adam”, I can transform quickly into “Monkey” with the comfort and joy.

After

And at that point I must end it. Before you think I’m a complete Asshole know that I am really happy with what my place looks like now and I prefer being “Monkey”. Currently the score board looks something like this:

“She” 2341

 “Monkey” -513

  “Adam” 6

Thanks Baby for fixing my place!