Posts Tagged ‘cooking’

 The competition is on! Due to never ending series of reality shows, we have been hypnotised into believing we can be the next masterchef. However that’s not to far from the mark since anything will taste good if you haven’t eaten for an extended amount of time.

 Friday is our test day,  we will rack our minds trying to prepare an ultimate dish that will impress  any unlucky person who is in our close proximity. There is a 50/50 chance that the unlucky guinea pig could succumb to food poisoning of the worst kind.


 I am meant to be making some kind of Entrée,

What the hell is that?

all I know is about meat. Yes, yummy, delicious meat.

Thats what Im talking about!


 Give me any kind of meat except fish and it’s going to be a gorgeous main meal. I’m really guttered that my Culinary Skills aren’t that good and I’m always coming 2nd. But wait, I have turned over a new leaf and decided that I will focus my amazing frontal lobe to out cook Ona in this skill of wits and nerves.

Plus one more positive!

I’m a guy!

Should you have any great recipes that could potentially get me to win, put them in the comments and if I ever become  a famous chef you will get an awesome present from yours truly.

Photos Later


One of my favourite past times is cooking trying to cook. So I invited one of my chinese friends over to teach me the art of making and cooking my own dumplings, of course this to impress all my friends and family that I’m not just a guy without skills.

The ingredients that you will need are:

2 cooks. One that knows how and the other to look stupid and confused, the latter was me.  Mince meat (Pork or beef), flour, celery, garlic, ginger, soya sauce, caraway, spring onion,egg, salt

"What You Need, minus some of the stuff"

 The first thing I noticed when we started was that I was out of my league. Vivan meant business, out came the aprons, knives and rollers. Don’t ever get in a knife fight with Chinese cause you are gonna lose, they are packing. They say ‘size doesn’t matter’ but whoever said that doesn’t know dick about cooking.

"Size does Matter"

After I got over my SKS (small knife syndrome)  I went to work on the celery. I started chopping and chopping and yes you guessed it more chopping, finally I had made it to about half way through the pile. I stopped to rub some “Deepheat” on the strained back muscles and went back from more. I was not gonna quit in front of a girl, no way, not on my watch! So after what felt like hours I finished the pile, with a heavy sigh I turned to my master chef and said,

“I’m Done”, Yes famous last words. I know!

“Good, so now we can start”, she replied with a smirk on her face.

We started with making the dough, honestly I can say I was useless in that department. It would have been better if a monkey was helping out at that point. With my monkey hands I proceeded to completely mess up the dough. Jesus! It was all going pear-shaped.

"Non-Monkey Hands"

I thought it would be best to take a time out. I stood in the corner looking at the wall, memories from my childhood flashed before my eyes. It wasn’t good.